Sticky situation [A letter to a dear friend]

 I didn't mean to end his life.

 It just happened okay. Don't blame me. I'm just as shocked as you are. And I'm also scared. I don't want to feel like this anymore.

I know it wasn't right

But it wasn't that wrong either. What was I supposed to do. I hate to feel like this. I don't want anybody to feel this way. Never in a thousand years.

I can't even sleep at night

I'm even struggling right now. I want to sleep but the thought just keeps me awake. It's scary and horrible. I'm scared. I'm slowly dying.

Can't get it off my mind

 It's going around and around. It's horrible. It gives me nightmares. A full nightmare fuel. This is no way to live life. Not in any way. Please..

I need to get out of sight

I wish I could do that. Get lost for a few years. So no one will remember me. No one would know me once I return. I could. I could be me. Just let me go, and I'll show you the world you've never dreamed of. Leave me be.

Before I end up behind bars

This is truly horrible. Makes me want to vomit. Please just let me go. Let me be. Just please.


What started out as a simple altercation 

Why is it that everything turns out so simple but turns into a shit ton complicated stuff. Why am I even trying to run away from. Hah. There is nowhere to run off to. I'm alone. I can trust no one. That is not in any way great. Just let me be me please. Don't kill me with that.

Turned into a real sticky situation

This is even worse. Time heals nothing. It's just a saying for us to feel better. We will be torn up in every way possible. This just sucks.

 Me just thinking on the time that I'm facing
Makes me wanna cry

 We just get stronger, nothing else changes. We are still that one torn up person. That one person. Who is easily hurt. Way too easily. I'm still torn but I don't show it. I want to cry but I can't. You've made me into a robot. No emotions left anymore. I guess this is a goodbye then?

Cause I didn't mean to hurt him

Guess that's the goodbye then. It was great to have you in my life. Thank you for tearing me up and leaving all those pieces on the ground. For everybody to step on. Who am I kidding. This was ridiculous of me to even hope you wanted something more. Silly me, eh?

Could've been somebody's son

You are aren't you. You think it's that funny? If you knew what you have done you wouldn't be laughing. You would think who would be that kind of monster. You'd be tearing up and saying you didn't mean anything you said. Or anything you did. If you cared more enough, but you didn't.

And I took his heart when

Well isn't this cheerful. I really really need to get out. I can't take this anymore.

I pulled out that gun

Please leave me be. Go away. I don't want to see you or hear about you. 

Rum, pum, pum rum, pum, pum, pum rum, pum, pum, pum
Man Down

JUST LEAVE!

Rum, pum, pum, pum rum, pum, pum, pum rum, pum, pum, pum
Man Down
  
Please..

Please.. Get away from me.

Alright. So this is something a certain someone is going to read one day and hopefully understand how much they hurt me. In every way possible I'm going to get this post going around. I am not going to make my life seem life it's full of butterflies, cherries and only good and great stuff. If you are ever been used for someones selfish wishes and needs. I'm sorry. I really hope you are not doing bad. I want you to be good. And if any of your friend has every been secretive or unfair about your feelings and wishes. I'm sorry. You should never change for those people. They are only going to use you in every way they can. Until you become self-aware about that and if you start to fight back. They get scared. Then there is nothing good or bad. It's just between you and them. I wish no one for that fate. I'm sad to say that I have trusted people way too much and here is where it has led me. Crying and hurting myself. I really hope that no one has to go through what I go trough almost every day. Everything is surrounded with lies. Nothing is real anymore.

I don't know if I can trust anyone at this point anymore.

I'm sorry, for this depressing blog post.

Have a good day,

Minzy.